What Triggers Your ADHD Meltdowns?

What can we do when our support system refuses to understand or learn what we’re going through? How much can we put up with to prevent an ADHD meltdown?

A couple of months ago, I was running out of meds and I couldn’t get myself to get in the car and drive ten blocks; so I put a timer on my mind: deadline is on Sunday. Not a smart choice – by the way – because there aren’t so many pharmacies opened on Sundays in this city; they take shifts. So, on Saturday, I called a big one, a CVS kind of pharmacy, and I asked: “Will you be opened tomorrow?” They said, “yes.”

On Sunday, off I went! When I arrived, there were probably six employees behind a large counter; one was talking to a customer and, among the rest: one was doing her nails, one was swiping on her phone, another one was chasing a Pokemon, and… you get the idea. There were also around ten customers, just browsing, so I didn’t have to wait for a turn. 

I approached the counter, “Good morning,” “Good morning,” “Here’s what I need.” I handed the guy my prescription and he said “Oh no, we cannot sell you this; there’s no pharmacist today and only a pharmacist can open the gate of the psychotropics.” I kept it cool and replied “I called yesterday to make sure you’d be open; how come there’s no pharmacist? You should have told me she wouldn’t be here.” 

And the Pokemon lady yelled, “No! YOU have told us you were going to get a PSYCHOTROPIC!” …, and all the faces in the room…. turned on ME. And I… kept it cool… I smiled and said, “If you knew why I’m taking this, you wouldn’t be addressing to me like that;” and she yelled, “I know! You should have told us!”

My jaw was starting to hurt… so I grabbed my prescription from the guy’s hands, went to my car, got inside… and came up with an entire new dictionary of curse words only, in Spanish; sorry I can’t share it.

Laly 1 – ADHD Meltdown 0.

I drove for a while, found a little pharmacy opened, and the nice pharmacist behind the counter – Alicia – became my pharmacist since then; we talked so much that afternoon – about how ADHD seems not to be a thing in this country and how I had been treated – that she gave me her personal number and said, “Next time, call me; and I’ll have them ready for you; if you ever need anything, call me.”

She gave me her business card (‘cos I don’t carry a phone with me) and, of course, I lost the card.

A few weeks later, I had to buy two boxes of meds and my doctor said, “Call the pharmacist first, and ask her if she would sell you two; they can only sell these kind of meds for the equivalent of twenty days of treatment; I’ll write everything they need on the prescription, but still, some may not want to sell you two.”

Without Alicia’s number, I went straight to her pharmacy but there was a young lady instead; I said, “My doctor asked me to ask Alicia if she… blah blah” The girl began to recite a handbook, without looking at me and while she was pasting stickers on products.

I took a deep breath and said, “I know; my doctor just need to be sure that you will sell two to me;” she started reciting her handbook again, and I started to feel…, a little bit restless, so I said, politely, “Could you please answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’?” And she yelled, “You don’t want to listen!”

Oh boy… 

But I kept it cool! And I repeated my line, “If you knew why I’m taking this, you wouldn’t be addressing to me like that;” she replied, “I do!” I turned my back on her without saying another word and I left slamming the door behind me; I knew there was a dictionary in my car waiting to give me some comfort. 

Laly 2 – ADHD Meltdown 0.

And that’s how we get to “Yesterday.” I ran out of ink for my printer, which is a big deal to me; I cannot review from the screen a draft that’s over three pages: I need to print the sheets, cut the paragraphs with a scissor and make a collage to get a decent essay. (We’re thanking ADHD for my crafty aptitudes these days 😐) 

Since I really, really need to share what I’ve written, no ADHD got in the middle and off I went to purchase a cartridge! But, turns out that here, in the ass of the world, NOBODY imports it; and in case you’re wondering, nobody ships it either. I absolutely lost it with the salesman, and that was just the beginning….

I came home and, with all my rage, I texted the Wicked Witch of Santa Fe (who used to appear to me under the form of a mother), “I’m dying in this fucking country; I shouldn’t have stayed a whole year; when I get the DNA results, I’m gonna prove you stole me from my mother and send you to jail!” She replied, “Go find out whatever you want.” 

… “If you could understand what ADHD does to me….”

I thought about texting that back, but I’ve come to learn it’s worthless; the two humans who raised me – people usually call theirs, “mom and dad” – don’t understand (nor want to learn) about ADHD or depression.

I’ve also come to comprehend – a couple of years ago- that what triggers my meltdowns is their existence near to mine. I need to erase them from my life, but – for many reasons – I can’t do it now.

Since I started taking the Ritalin, I’m trying to stay in touch with them as little as possible; I’m focusing on how good I’m doing with my blogs, how I’m healing; that’s how I try to prevent my meltdowns. But still I feel a huge weight … and the salesman payed the price not only because of it, but also because, lately, I’ve been feeling … afraid: “D” is coming.

I think about depression as if it were a virus; you know when you feel kind of under the weather and say, “I think I’m might be getting a cold;” that’s exactly how I feel it coming. Sometimes I can tell right away if it’s going to be a three day flew or if it’s going to hit me like the coronavirus; and sometimes, like now, I have no idea; but I do know it’s coming, and I’m afraid of what it might do to me this time.

The good thing is, I know where it’s coming from: I’m entering a mourning process; a yearly mourning process that usually begins by the middle of May but this year was ahead.

It started when I died.

That’s three pages… 

So, what triggers your ADHD meltdowns and how do you manage them😁?

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So what do you think?